It was doomed from the start. What we call fate is the will of God and human will can never prevail over God’s will. I knew it right from the start but I gave free rein to my stubborness then. God tried to indulge me. It was as if He tried to give me what I wanted, loving Father that He is, even if He knew better and it wasn’t going to last.
The term “shattered dream” is so cliche but through this experience, I discovered that it was so approriate. I thought love was going to last for a lifetime. I didn’t count on the fickleness of a man’s heart or his self-centeredness and unfaithfulness. I didn’t realize how great my hope was that something like this would not happen to me. But it did.
I wasn’t sure if I could bear it but I had to pick up the pieces. A helpless, innocent baby was relying on me. It was, and still is, so hard to believe that the person who is supposed to love her completely could turn his back, forget her and choose the willful choice of his fleeting romantic love over such an adorable baby. “He fell” – were his exact words. He was two decades past teenagehood. But age is never a measure for maturity.
Time is the great healer. And I am thankful that the process for me was quicker than I had expected.
Love is a decision. How could I hold on to a person who chooses his own happiness at the expense of a baby who did not deserve to be emotionally abandoned even before she was born? A baby who would grow up without a father. This reality haunted me. It pierces my heart that my child, through no fault of her own, will suffer the consequences of her mother’s wrong choice of a father whose idea of responsibility was just to provide milk and diapers and not much else.
I had to cry those tears to cleanse my soul.
God will make things beautiful in His time.