Working every day on weekdays then rushing home at 5:30 on the dot to take care of baby and being a full-time single mother on weekends take its toll. I have to have some alone time at least once a week. Mostly it’s just dining out or watching a movie with a friend. Yesterday, my energy was drained after a routinary week which thankfully saw the end of speculation fraught with uncertainty if I was to find myself a new position somewhere within the company. This was due to reorganization brought about by factors predominant of which is the global economic crisis.
Early Sunday morning found us going to the Mall of Asia to take Amara out strolling and for me to go running after more than a year without exercise. I was barely able to run around one block before I was huffing, puffing and feeling a little dizzy. I wasn’t sure if it was because of lack of sleep or hyper or hypotension. I just decided not to push it lest I find myself sprawled on the pavement after passing out. Even with the ridiculously short length and duration of my run, I found myself with sore muscles in unexpected places, like around my waist, the day after.
We had to wait an hour for the 9am mass at the Shrine of Jesus, the Way, the Truth and the Life where Amara had fun making baby talk in her characteristic loud voice 30 minutes before the mass. She loved hearing her voice echoing within the church. We had brunch thereafter at Café Breton where we had the whole place to ourselves so we had the staff’s undivided attention and we were able to let Amara run loose in the place without disturbing other diners. She actually charmed the staff and they let her get away with tearing the plastic off their fire extinguisher.
Afterwards we window-shopped at the department store which my mom can’t do without, with her convenient excuse that she had to pay some bills. I ended up buying spaghetti strap tops for Amara’s summer wear at home and a couple of jogging pants to avoid mosquito bites. Since we didn’t bring the stroller, most of the time, I carried Amara around which I thought of as additional exercise, lugging more than 9 kilograms of her for at least two hours.
No wonder I was sorely looking forward to some alone time to unwind and made sure that I was able to get away towards early evening. I saw Watchmen which I enjoyed with my usual sour cream popcorn and green tea. Of course, every now and then I would think about my baby, wonder how she and my mom were doing, if she’s crying looking for me and miss her a little.
In the movie, there was the character of the original Silk Spectre, Sally Jupiter who had a daughter by the man who once beat her badly in an attempted rape. Her own daughter Laurie couldn’t get it how she can easily forgive the man after what he did. (Spoiler alert here…) It turns out that Sally eventually fell in love with the Comedian, by whom she had a daughter, although their romance didn’t work out. In the end, Sally told Laurie that it was easy to forgive the Comedian because he gave Sally her daughter.
I was struck by this because of my own circumstances. A little understanding dawned. I have been struggling to forgive my ex ever since he caused me a great deal of hurt. But there were times when I felt I forget the evil things he did to me and that I could be able to forgive him, which made me confused as to the reason for this “forgetfulness.” Now I wonder no more. When I am able to finally forgive him and put everything behind me, it would be because I recognize that without him, I wouldn’t have my daughter who is the light, joy and reason for my existence.
It’s kind of ironic, me wanting to get away for a while . Even while I was away, Amara is foremost in my thoughts. In the movie I watched, I was struck by the mother-daughter situation because of my own daughter. And when my me-time was dwindling away, I was eager to get home to my baby. Escape for me would be to be always with my little darling Amara.