He loved me first.
Ever since I can remember, he was there for me. Whenever I had a problem, all I needed was to call him and he’ll be there to comfort me and even work to resolve my troubles. He will surprise me and give me gifts even if there was no reason or special occasion, even if I didn’t do anything to deserve it. He was very generous with me. When I did something to offend him, he will let it pass, easily forgive me and not hold any grudges against me.
But my nature was like a butterfly, flitting from one pursuit to another, from pleasure to pleasure. I didn’t even think I was like that.
I believed I returned his love. That I showed it not with mere words but with actions, even choosing him above my studies, then later above my work. He also took priority over my family and any free time I had I chose to spend with him.
I thought our bond was impenetrable, that it would withstand hardships and the test of time. Like in many things, however, I was wrong. It was me who didn’t keep my end of the bargain.
In one of the activities I was doing for him, I met someone who attracted me. I thought it was nothing and that nothing would come out of it. This person’s relationship with others and situations indicated it would remain just one of those minor crushes for me that uncooperative events would eventually erase from my consciousness.
I could hardly believe it when our quasi-professional relationship blossomed into something more personal. My romantic daydreams were fulfilled. Thus, my relationship with him was relegated to the background.
As my involvement with this person deepened, it became apparent that it was this relationship versus my relationship with him. I had to choose. I cannot hold both at the same time.
I was selfish. I did not choose him who loved me first. I tried to justify it, saying he would still be at the top of my priorities, that I wouldn’t forget him.
But it got away from me. I did forget him. I didn’t think of it as that way, but I didn’t care that I hurt him, as long as I was happy.
It must have hurt all the more for him to know it was a conscious decision I made. I even decided to love the other person as if it was him. I placed the other person in the position he used to occupy in my life and in my heart.
Often I realize my mistakes when it is too late. I didn’t expect that the other person’s love was fleeting. He found another to replace me. He didn’t even care how much it hurt me.
Then I realize that was exactly the way I treated him who loved me first. I found another whom I replaced him with. I didn’t care how badly I hurt him since I was so focused on myself, on how I felt and cared only for my own happiness.
Him whom I hurt… was he happy that I got my just desserts? Did he rejoice at my pain?
Even if I didn’t see it, he cried when I cried. He shared my pain. In the depths of my despair, at my lowest of low, he was at my side, comforting me, as all the other times when I was troubled. I forgot him but he never forgot me.
It’s taking me a long time to heal and to get back on my feet again. But he is patient. He never gets tired of my ranting, of my whining, of my fits of anger. Every day he tries to find and give me something that would make me smile.
Even when I was still with the other person, he gave me a very valuable gift. He always wanted me to be happy, even when I was away from him. In his wisdom, he knew what I chose was never meant to be, never meant to last. But wanting me to be happy, he didn’t try to stop me from being with that person. And the gift that he gave was guaranteed to bring a lot of smiles to my day, even while I was trying to cope with being left for someone else.
His love is more than enough to make this story, mine and His, one of the greatest love stories ever told… my version.