I had known how it was to dream… and to see my dreams dashed to the ground and trampled on. And so without consciously knowing it, I came to believe maybe I wasn’t worthy to have dreams… Because why was it every time I had a dream, it always ended up being shattered? Bruised, battered and scarred… I became numb. I was in a denial for such a long time. It was easier to recover from the pain of a broken relationship than from the heartache of a shattered dream. Because admitting that my dreams have come to nothing would mean my life was a failure, that everything I hoped for were all mere illusions.
“I had a dream my life would be… so different now from what it seemed. Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.” ~ Les Miserables
If ever there was one good thing I did in my life, that was to hold on to God no matter what life threw at me. I always learn to pick myself up, try to live again, try to take it one day at a time, try to look at the brighter side of life, try to make the best out of my circumstances even if it wasn’t easy. It was damn hard! There’s no denying I was one of those persons who, wherever I went, was accompanied by a dark cloud that poured rain (imagine a cartoon of that), afraid to enjoy and revel in the happy moments handed by life, always knowing and believing some good things never last.
And so I thank God for Makati Feast and Bro. Randy Borromeo! In the first Makati Feast Talk in 2012, Randy spoke about reclaiming dreams and it turned my life around. It made me realize how I was living on auto pilot of gloominess, allowing myself to move with the current, not taking charge of the direction my life would take. I remembered how I removed from my wallet my old, battered Novena to God’s Love where I wrote my poorly articulated dreams which I was supposed to read every day and pray for but never did. There it was in a drawer, gathering dust, I imagine, along with the handwritten, pathetically unfulfilled dreams. Something prompted me to retrieve it a week ago and put it back in my new wallet, just in time for the first Feast of the year.
In many different ways and words, we were told to recapture our dream. “I’ll recapture my dream. I will revisit my vision. I will speak powerful and positive words about my future” will be our mantra for the year. We were asked to remember just four words from the talk and those were I HAVE A DREAM. I felt like the scales of blindness fell from my eyes. God planted those dreams in my heart and He will make sure they will happen. To top it off, two of my most favorite songs were sung in worship, Who Your Are and Through Christ. Nobody can convince me that God wasn’t speaking to me that night.
And I thank the Lord, for being my Dream-giver, the Source of my Hope, my ever-loving Father. I am so looking forward to behold before my very eyes my dreams coming to fruition this year. And now I’m singing a different tune:
“When my heart is weak & I’ve lost my way
I will lift up my eyes and choose to say
I will trust in You.
I can do all things through Christ
I can move a mountain if You are the strength of my life
I can do all things through Christ when You are the strength of my life.” ~ Through Christ
“Because of who You are, I can live with hope
Knowing that You’ll always be
God of all my dreams
Everything I want to be is found in You.” ~ Who You Are
Nothing is impossible!
I can feel it in my bones, something good is going to happen to me this very year 🙂 It’s time for me to dream again!